We'll rank all teams 30-16, and in a second post rank them 15-1, the ranking doesn't mean where we think they will finish necessarily, but our 8th ranked team would likely beat teams 30-9 on a neutral floor, and teams 7-1 would beat them.
30. Milwaukee (7-31)
The Bucks are a dreadful team with a few promising pieces in the Greek Freak Giannis Antetokuompo, and Larry Sanders, but even in a bad Eastern Conference the Bucks are 7-31 and that doesn't include a single win over a team above .500, with a large part of it being Larry Sanders fracturing his hand in a bar fight, which coincidentally was the most exciting thing to happed in Milwaukee since they had a sale on cheese at the local WalMart, and O.J Mayo playing like O.J Mayo, which likely means the Bucks will have the best shot at Jabari Parker, Andrew Wiggins, Julius Randle, or Joel Embiid with the number 1 selection in this years draft.
29. Orlando (10-29)
The Magic are bad now, but expect them to be a quality team a few years down the road. They have a talented players in Nik Vucevic, Tobias Harris, and Victor Oladipo. Unfortunately they are 24th in total offense, and 22nd in defense this year. They will also have a high selection in this years draft and possibly turn Aaron Afflalo into a draft selection or a couple of young players, but right now they just aren't good enough to win in the NBA. But it appears as if they actually won big time in the Dwight Howard trade, as they got Vucevic, Moe Harkless and Aaron Afflalo, and the Lakers no longer have Howard, the 76ers are without Andrew Bynum, and Andre Iguodala didn't return to the Nuggets, so kudos to GM Rob Hennigan.
28. Los Angeles Lakers (14-25)
Losing Kobe Bryant again was a massive blow to a team that thought it had an outside shot at the playoffs this year. Simply put, the Lakers are completely dreadful defensively as the play Jordan Hill at the Center position, and Jordan Hill lacks a few traits required to be a quality center in the league, most notably skill, testicles, skill, and more skill. Simply put he sucks, and Nick Young has never met a shot he didn't like. Poor Pau Gasol, hes the one player currently on the team besides Xavier Henry that would be able to play basketball on a team that aspires to win more than 35 games this year. The Lakers should just go the whole 9 yards, trade Gasol, and tank this year.
27. Philadelphia (13-25)
Philadelphia won its first 3 games this year, sparking optimism among analysts after everyone thought they had a shot to be the worst team this year. I don't know how anyone could look at both rosters and possibly believe the would be worse than Milwaukee, but hey, cocaine is a hell of a drug. The 76ers wouldn't be this bad if it wasn't an intentional plan. They've kept Rookie Of The Year Candidate Michael Carter Williams on the injury list for a minor injury, because god forbid a team try and win, and it looks like they will try to trade either Spencer Hawes, Thaddeus Young, Evan Turner, or all 3, as fucked up as it is to say this, theyre too good right now, and would like to see a top-3 pick. Lucky for their fans, Nerlens Noel is coming back in a couple months and they'll have a top-5 pick in the most loaded draft in years, along with a middle 1st rounder from New Orleans.
26. Boston (14-26)
Up until they essentially gave up Jordan Crawford for a couple 2nd round picks, The Celts were playing much better than anyone would have thought for a team that starts Gerald Wallace as one of their best players. Luckily Rajon Rondo is returning for acting tonight against the Lakers, but it isn't yet known if they will try and trade Rondo for a 1st rounder and young players, because here we fucking go again, the Celtics with Brad Stevens, who by the way is a fucking Magician for coaching this team to 14 wins before the all star break, and from all star Rajon Rondo, Boston is too good for a top selection and will willingly make itself worse. So just so you know, if a team intentionally tanks as in sitting their best players in order to lose, starts Zaza Pachulia or Richard Jefferson, and tells their coach to pretty much lose on purpose, than Fuck them. Im not saying its not the smart thing to do, I'm just saying fuck them.
25. Utah (13-27)
You may be asking yourself why the team with the 3rd worst record in the NBA and the worst in the West is somehow better that five teams, the reason is that Trey Burke is the best rookie of this years draft, and I'm still a level 10 butthurt that the Pistons decided Kentavious Caldwell Pope is better than Burke, who has a PER better than KCP and Brandon Jennings COMBINED, so fuck you and your statistics Joe Dumars. The Jazz were and absolutely putrid 1-13 without Burke to start the season, and when he came back, they went on a 12-14 run, which means they probably would get a 3 seed in the East. Utahs problem is that neither Enes Kanter, yes his name is pronounced like Anus and yes Im laughing my ass off, and Derrick Favors have trouble scoring underneath. Both are still very young and Favors is a monster defensively, and if they are able to draft Joel Embiid or Julius Randle, then holy shit this team may be scary down the road.
24. Sacramento (14-23)
Sacramento is a tire fire this season. For some reason management decided that Rudy Gay was the answer to their problems, forgetting that Gay played like an overpaid worthless piece of dogshit in Toronto, and the Raptors jumped to the top of the division as soon as Gay left. But oddly enough Gay has played very well for the Kings and Grantlands Kirk Goldsberry describes the phenomenon here:
http://grantland.com/the-triangle/the-rudy-gay-principle/, Goldsberry essentially claims that certain players are only good up until a certain usage point. When Gay was the main scorer on Toronto he shot so poorly that he tried to blame it on his eyesight. But now with the Kings, Gay is a secondary option behind DeMarcus Cousins, who has transformed into one of the 3 best centers in the league, and Isaiah Thomas playing quality Point Guard Minutes, and voila, Gay has actually been very good. I'll admit I am one of the biggest Rudy Gay critics, but he isn't so awful now. Unfortunately the Kings still suck, as they don't have a single starter that is capable of playing defense, and so far Ben McLemore has been mildly disappointing in his rookie campaign. And the Kings play in a loaded conference, so I wouldn't expect to see them in the playoffs anytime soon.
23. Cleveland (14-25)
All the optimism that surrounded the Cavs in the beginning of the year has vanished faster than a black father in the ghetto when he finds out his girl is pregnant, and if you thought that was offensive and racist, then you can go fuck yourself and then learn how to take a joke. Andrew Bynum has literally been so bad that the Cavs traded him so he could be waived, as he was statistically one of the worst centers in the league playing important minutes. Its looking like Kyrie Irving may just be a good player with good stats, but not a great player, but the jury is still out, and Dion Waiters and Irving are an enigma when playing with each other and its looking like Waiters could be gone soon, they just wasted a first overall pick on Anthony Bennett, who beyond being out of shape and borderline unplayable, is also shaping up to be the biggest draft bust of all time, by a wide margin over Kwame Brown, and not to mention the fact that the coach is Mike Brown, who runs a 4th grade offense and cant say the word defense due to a crack addiction. There are a few bright spots, Tristan Thompson is turning into a great rebounder, they just acquired Luol Deng from Chicago, and they play in the East, which means despite being 11 games under .500, they are only 2.5 games out of the 7 and 8 seeds in the conference. Yea the East is that bad.
22. New Orleans (15-23)
The Pelicans have been a disappointing team from an injury standpoint this season, as Anthony Davis hasn't been 100%, Ryan Anderson and Eric Gordon have missed a ton of time, and they've lost their last 7 after being in position to make an outside playoff run in the loaded West, and too add insult to injury, they wont have a draft selection if it falls outside the top 8, as they traded it and Nerlens Noel for Jrue Holiday, who has been alright at the Point this season. The Pelicans defense is so bad that they're ranked 27th in the NBA and couldn't stop a nose bleed this season. Luckily the talent is there and they just have to hope they pull out a run soon.
21. New York (15-24)
New York is playing much better than late after being one of the worst teams in the league, and Carmelo Anthony has been playing terrific as usual. There isn't much to say about the Knicks, as they don't have any pieces to make a trade, or any cap space, as J.R Smith, Amare Stoudamire and Andrea Bargnani are collecting around $40 Million combined and suck more than a whore on Mardi Gras. They are terrible defensively, but will luckily get Tyson Chandler back soon from injury, which will improve their defense, and again, the East is so bad that the Knicks are only 1.5 games out of the 7/8 seed.
20. Charlotte (16-24)
One of the more surprising teams this year, Charlotte only sits a game out of the playoffs and have been playing terrific defense. They have a bad offense, but Kemba Walker has become a borderline all-star this year, Al Jefferson scores like the reward for buckets is KoolAid, Michael Kidd Gilchrist is a phenomenal defender, but an atrocious player on offense and Cody Zeller awkwardly sucks at basketball. They only have room to improve, and owner Michael Jordan is extremely aggressive and will most likely attempt to trade for a player who could push them into the playoffs this season.
19. Brooklyn (16-22)
Technically the 8 seed, the Nets have also played much better as of late, and have put themselves in good position to make the playoffs this year, despite Brook Lopez going on IR after breaking his foot, and Jason Kidd only teaching how to take shots of patron while driving. Like the Knicks, the Nets have no first rounder this year because of the Joe Johnson trade, because of short sightedness that has fucked them over again and again. They traded Derrick Favors, a top 5 draft pick, another choice for Deron Williams, They acquired Joe Johnson by only giving up a good selection in this years draft and one last year, They acquired Gerald Wallace, who is no longer even with the team and the selection could have yielded them Andre Drummond or Damian Lilliard, and wont have any in 2016, or 2018 because of the KG/Paul Pierce trade. What I'm trying to say, is the Nets are fucking idiots.
18. Detroit (16-22)
Technically the projected 7 seed in the East, the Pistons will have no draft choice this year unless its a top 8 pick, as they gave it to Charlotte just to get RID OF Ben Gordon, and signed Josh Smith to a big contract that isn't working out so far. Luckily they were able to draft 2 all star quality big men in Greg Monroe and Andre Drummond, and traded for Brandon Jennings who has been OK this year. The Pistons are one of the more talented teams, its a huge disappointment why they're so bad, and Dumars and Mo Cheeks should be fired if Detroit misses the playoffs.
17. Minnesota (18-20)
The T'Wolves just don't have enough offense to be very good this year. Kevin Love gets double teamed in close games, because Ricky Rubio cant hit a jumper, they have no real scorer outside of Kevin Martin and Nik Pekovic is a poor offensive center that cant space the floor. Yet even with these issues, they still have a decent playoff shot if they could just pull it together. And if they were in the East, they'd probably be a favorite in the 1st round. The East Fucking Blows.
16. Chicago (18-19)
You have to feel for Bulls fans. Derrick Rose is out for the year again, they just traded off Luol Deng for a top10 protected pick which would turn into a second rounder in 2 years, Boozer is likely gone this offseason, and there aren't many options for the Bulls to get. They are reportedly in the mix for Carmelo Anthony, should he become a free agent, and Lance Stephenson. I don't see Anthony coming to Chicago, as he is from the East Coast, his wife wanted him in New York, and there is just something special about Madison Square Garden, Stephenson will probably stay in Indiana, unless they commit to Danny Granger, but the hidden secret is that head coach Tom Thibideau probably wont return next year because he despises GM Gar Forman and president John Paxson. Expect Thibideau to take another job or sit out a year because of how much the relationship has soured.
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